Long time

Hahah, I never really ever update this thing, but for some reason I feel like I should have a blog. I don't even know what you put in them or anything. I mean, what is the motive of a blog? It's purpose to me (for me) is just to get things out there, and maybe to get others opinions. But I think it's good to reflect just at the least to be able to take a critical eye to what has happened and the feelings that are currently being felt. I am ready to be finally starting grad school. I am now finishing up my Senior Spring semester, and will be graduating. It's a relieving experience but I have a lot more to do before it is all over. That said, I don't want to focus on that, but I would rather just kind of talk about the directions my life is going.

I really don't know what I want to do after I get my graduate degree. I am feeling right now that I would like to go out of the country for a year, most likely going to Germany, but I am not quite so sure what I would do there. I would like to do research as I learn the language and experience the culture. I hear they have a good program in solar technology, but I really do not know where I want to focus specifically in Electrical Engineering. Overall, I just want to go for an experience and to try something new as well as to learn more about another culture and a way of life. I think I will like it and I hope that it happens.

After that though, my mind is sort of blank. I have been toying more and more lately about possibly getting a PhD. I feel like it would be interesting to get more schooling and I think I would enjoy being a professor some day, but it's not really a way I thought my life would take. I do want to have industry experience, but after co-oping, I just wonder how much I feel like I can fit into the regular work cycle. I enjoyed my co-op and I liked what I did, but I wonder what other more non-traditional options there are for them. I want something where I can be creative and contribute something to society as a whole, but who knows...

That said, I have also felt a need after moving so much with school and co-ops, that I really kind of want to settle down and I would like to move back home to do so. But all that I am leaning to right now seems to be delaying that by 1-6 years (or more). I just wonder how it will all work out, but I have faith that it will.

I think that's enough for now; maybe I'll write again in less than a year.

In the end the time will tell
How the things have been
How the answers came
And the questions never went
I feel the most in the end
Of the passion of the sun
And I wish that in beginning
I would have felt that I would've won

Since it's been about half a year...

A lot of things have changed since I started college and more and more I'm forgetting exactly who I was three years ago. Not to say that everything has changed and I still hold many of the same if not almost all the values I had going into college, but I think I have chilled out a lot more, though I still stress about a lot of things that aren't too important. In all, I think I have really become (read: started on the path to becoming) an adult and have received a lot more responsibility due to this. I don't know if I would have ever of thought jumping into the real world, where you have to worry about bills and finding places to live and landlords that don't give you back your security deposit (if I will ever remedy that situation I don't know), but it all happened and I have been doing a fairly decent job at it.

This semester marks the last semester of my Junior year and the last co-op that I will (ever) do. Though the relief of being done with all my responsibilities at work and the stress of moving every few months will be a relief, but I think I am going to miss this point in my life. It is surely an end to an era, and I hope that the last two years of college will be equal in measure of both fun and work. I have a lot ahead of me and a lot that will keep me going, but it is hard to imagine being a part of the real world and having no more classes and no more tests.

Today marks the day of a beginning, a new resolve. I have a lot ahead of me and I have many goals that I have set to accomplish in the next year. If I succeed When I succeed, it will be interesting to look back and see "how it all went down."

On a less general note, I commuted to work today with my bicycle. I had been meaning to do it for awhile, but I never did. I told myself yesterday that I would and that there was no question that I had to do it. But when I woke up, my alarm didn't go off, so I woke up when I would have liked to have been at work because I edited my alarm on my phone but I forgot to enable it after I edited it, which I think should just happen automatically, at least for how often I assume it would just do it that way anyways. Well, so I was thinking about not riding since I have a lot some big things I want to get done early today and everything, but I kept thinking about my promise so I ended up riding in. I am not really afraid that it will get stolen since I am in a nice area, but if anything like that does happen I'm going to be pretty upset, which makes me wonder if I'll ever be comfortable riding to school, which to me a lot more likely place for it to get stolen. Anythewho, I rode it to work and I hope to do that more often, especially earlier in the day... Now as far as riding back home... Should I take the direct path or go on a long tour of the towns on a bike route? I really want to start riding longer. Hopefully the weather cooperates.

Well, that's enough for now. Go visit www.briangoessling.com! I recently bought this domain for no main reason. I have been experimenting with flash, and if you look at it throughout the next few weeks you will probably notice some big/dramatic changes.

Was gibt es heute? Was gibt's morgen frueh?

Today is a day that I seem to say with which no other day can compare. Tomorrow is a time that will never come to mind against the feelings of yesteryear. Take a step, take a journey, take a moment, take a second, take a village, take a city, take it all in, all in. It may just take a moment, it may just take your life, it may just take your life away.

So school... is stress and stress is no fun and I can feel it in my bones and in my dreams. I wish that it would end and I could just go back to work and finish up my last semester. I need to have more fun but I'm always just stressing out and it's been the worst now than ever. I just have a lot of worries and some things I want to do but I hope that it will all turn out. I am doing well in school and I'm doing mighty fine, but I wish that I could be doing more. I have such very long weekends that I always seem to waste and I'm not getting much else done. I seem to just keep going on the path that I am going and I can't seem to divert myself. Not that I'm doing anything wrong or that I am going somewhere I don't want to go but there are some things that I want to accomplish. I am going to Greece at the end of the semester and I think that will be an adventure. I don't know what to expect or what I am to do and I have never been to Europe in my life before so it will be an interesting quest. With the change of time I am of a solid mind but I wish that I could accomplish more. With the change of weather things will just get better, but it all seems a long way off.

I admit to admitting

I don't know. Life is just kind of an interesting adventure. You live once and then you're done, so you by definition don't have any idea what you are getting yourself into when you are signed up for this contest. It's quite remarkable how many navigate the narrow maze so easily but not shocking with how many others encounter more problems.


I have just started the semester and I'm already stressed out and worried about making all the commitments I must to pass my classes and get out alive. I probably in some ways bit off more than I can chew, but I am trying to find out if it will be doable. If I had a better teacher in one of my classes, I wouldn't be as worried, but now I just know I will have to do all the teaching in that class for myself and that is not good for a subject of which I claim no proficiency.... We shall see how the test goes this Thursday... If it goes really badly with no hope of making it out alive, I may have to jump the boat for the first time ever...

So cheerily the rope swings back
into the golden hand
But lo' behold and see before
The openness around
The skies are greyed and yellowing
The wind a cold chill
but beyond the briefs the eyes can see
A mystery to be beheld.

I am lost

I am lost,
I was forgiven,
I fought, I felt again

I hold tight to the answers
As I slowly fall away...

Honest, honest.. yes, honestly. I don't know quite what to say. It has been a long time since I have posted anything, but here goes... there. It went... Maybe not quite how it was supposed to go but it did. Here I find myself,... Here I find myself awake... As the hours slowly reach the point of no return. I have work in the morning, but I feel no need to slumber, though I'll definitely miss it in the morning, and it may cause me to sleep in, but I have flexible hours and an insatiable desire to require myself to work late nights trying to make up for missed time.

nite

Forget the way

I get an uneasy feeling. I don't quite know how to handle it or what to do. Do you ever feel as if there is something wrong, something missing? and the only thing to fix it is not existent or not possible. I wish that I could just fit into the ....... well maybe not, I don't know. I just wish that things were easier, but I don't know, I really do have it a lot better than I probably feel. I don't know; life is just a stress pot and I wish that I could try to relax, but that is not really how I am. I don't know. I just need to chill some, but each time I get the chance I am brought back into reality later on only to realize that all the chill time has exacerbated the other problems,... I don't know. I guess I need to re-prioritize some things, but too many changes at once can prove disastrous. I guess I need to listen to my heart and not my head and see where that may lead me.

Terse Verse

It goes and comes and circles round
Floundering in the sea of solitude
The rhythm swept skies of tomorrows
Comes shortly after the fall
I see with new found glory
The continuing on of the story
And I bend down to reach out
On the bank of the river here
But as the debris comes flowing in
I catch not a pinch of its passing
I miss not by a lack of trying
but by a sorrowful attempt at it all

~I wonder sometimes about ego
About what it takes to be oneself
And how to forget where you've come from
And how to see where you've been
Tomorrow is a day for their mourning
Today is a day for their scourning
The height of the past is the missed and forgot
The lows always make the best story
I wished for a peach and got a plum
I saw through the fog and got hit by someone
I know that I can't escape where I've been
But I know that I will keep going

Sweet Child of Mine

It is interesting how things go. I don't know. Last night I broke through the depression to see a light at the end. I don't know. I guess to some points I take idealism too far and the immense pressure of it's inability to be sustained in the real world crushes me in its immense gravity and weight. I wish at times that I could stroll back and watch the waves wash by and not be affected by the rising of the tide and all that is around me, but I am, and at the first washed away sand castle I come overwhelmed with a desire to save the poor imaginary souls that once called it home and their refuge. This poetic language means nothing to those who don't care to see and less to those who try, but I think it in some ways is all that I can say. Words wrapped up in ambiguity are perfectly packaged for those who will so easily glance over anything that they wish not to see, and easily construct the visions that they wish were ripe for the taking. I don't know where I stand sometimes when so much is malleable and uncertain, but I know now that my outlook has begun to shift. Have I changed in the last two years from when I started school. I would say so, but I maintain that I am very much the same in many aspects, but then again in so many others so different, but maybe not.... My contradictions line my speech but they are not to deceive but yet a expression of the turmoil and two-sidedness that my mind and heart found themselves constantly. To believe one thing is to forsake another? Or is to believe one thing fully ever possible? There is so much doubt in the word, exacerbated by the patterns of lies we find ourselves so willing to create that hold us so closely apart that if one strand were to break there could be some sort of connection, but with the strands so strong we may never get free. The dawning of a new age is upon us; it has stretched, crawled, and scratched its way up; it has lingered and it has sought to wrought all that it could bring, and we must wait to see what that means. I wait only to see, and I hope only to be better than I never was.