Do not

I thought like writing a poem and I started, but then I thought when the poem became less and less about myself that maybe it was time for me to write an entry that was solely just typing and seeing what I type. So here I go. I think the talent in this is just keeping going and not stopping; I will try my best to not correct errors, so please bear with that.

A lot of things have been going on. Speed school semester has been going and going, and I am ready for an end, but still yet almost reading for the end. I don't know what to expect. Tomorrow is the last day before Memorial break so that will be fun, but after that I have a full month of classes w/ no break and then later July 4th break of the 3rd and the 4th, so it will be a long hall, but then only 20 days do I have after that, so the summer in effect is almost over, yet still here. haha.

Orientations sessions start when I get back. I think that will be interesting. I will start working too, so we will see how it all works out. But at least I don't have to work every day. I work 3 days and 2 days a week for second and third term respectively.

Everyone back home is ... back home and those in high school are graduating or ending one more year before they do. I am interested to see how things have changed, oh they have changed so much already.

I kind of miss it.

I wonder what things will be like when I get older. I wonder if I will live even close to where I live now. Everything I have ever known has been in Nothern Kentucky. That is at least until now. Now I have broadened by horizons by just a tad, and I wonder how much further I will go with it.

I think sometimes if I will live in NKY for the rest of my life. I like it. I just don't know. I want to live close to my family. I think if I lived anywhere else it would probably be in the South. I don't plan on moving west. I don't even know if I have ever been there. I don't know. It just doesn't seem for me. I really don't want to move to the North though. I think people up there would be too abrasive.

When the road diverges

When the path comes to fork
Leaving you with little else
But to make, to make a choice

When the road diverges
And you choose left
And I choose right...
Who was right, who was right?

New Day

So things are different.

I was looking at my 4 year plan and it has some holes. It turns out that I might be able to count the two extra classes I would have to take for a math minor as classes for my major... but it turns out I accidently deleted two classes from my plan so I had to put those back in, so in effect I'm kind of at the same place, but I now have a 2 hour class that will help making perfect 18 hour semesters. I don't know though... one of the classes that was opened up doesn't seem to be offered anymore, or maybe not next year at least. It was a headache and I had to stop before it drove me crazy.

I pretty much wasted today. It was a long day. I did some homework and some research on Engineering CO OPs and other things, and cleaned my dishes.

I made some chicken and dumplings on the range! It was the first thing I had to use an oven for. It was nice!

I have to go to Kroger's tomorrow because I am running out of food, and I'm sick of the food I have. Well, I'm going to go, talk to you later.


Sometimes when the road gets tough
You might pretend to be as well
But I know you better than that
And you know how it goes too well

You build the wall around you
And watch it crumble in
You know you can't keep going on
In this fortress you are livin' in.

No matter how hard you try to believe it
Things will always change
You never will know for sure
What the future will hold

So keep on looking on the bright side of life
Keep on hoping for a better tomorrow
Break down that wall that keeps you from me
And we will finally be able to believe

Believe the truths we fought for so long
Hear the melody of the most precious song
Oh, I know it will take some time
But I hope these walls will come down

Sometimes, yes, sometimes

I guess sometimes I take things too far. I don't consider myself an emotional person. If anything I am callous. But because I care, because things matter to me, I sometimes can't stand the unpleasantness of life, especially not if they keep repeating, and repeating.

But my last two entries (written right after each other) are not good displays of how I am really feeling, just an insight into the constant inner-turmoil I am facing, when I choose to acknowledge it.

If anything in college, I have learned a lot about myself and how others work. It has exposed me to new ways of thought and new and sometimes unbearable challenges. I wish sometimes I could wash it all away, but in the end it's for the best.

I don't know what I am saying. I am enveloped...

Whenever the ancient tide will turn,
whenever I see what I have scorned,
whenever I will realize who I am
Whenever the pieces fall to sand...

There we go

So far things have been fine.

I have been trudging by, learning things as I go, but I don't know if I ever really came to such a cross road.

I have learned the value of a hard-day's work, a home-cooked meal, and the love of one's family. I have grown to appreciate such ever-present archetypes, yet I do not think I could every appreciate them in their fullness.

I expect a lot out of myself. I expect a lot out of others. I hope for the best. I pray to protect from the worst. I seek to help and not to find. But too much giving causes you to ask for a little. But sometimes a little is way too much.

Summer school has started and will end in 2 months, which is enough times to severe bounds, splice connections, and change significantly. But which of these will occur? Or which will not?

I miss the days of youth when the hill tops were but the continues of the journey of the personas we created. I miss the days when morning was a chance to see the sun.

Faith

Life sometimes sends you careening into the abysmal depths of solitude and despair. You feel overwhelmed, anxious, annoyed, tethered by time and strength. It's at these times that we consider ourselves at the pits. We have no where to go but up, however, it seems we are constantly digging a deeper and deeper hole, which is flooding due to a hidden water source beneath. It is at these times that we should not make brash decisions, or face long lasting consequences. But it is at these times that we almost feel compelled to in order to salvage what we have left. The hole becomes deeper and deeper, deeper and deeper.

My own blog

HI! Speed school summer has started.