Sweet Child of Mine

It is interesting how things go. I don't know. Last night I broke through the depression to see a light at the end. I don't know. I guess to some points I take idealism too far and the immense pressure of it's inability to be sustained in the real world crushes me in its immense gravity and weight. I wish at times that I could stroll back and watch the waves wash by and not be affected by the rising of the tide and all that is around me, but I am, and at the first washed away sand castle I come overwhelmed with a desire to save the poor imaginary souls that once called it home and their refuge. This poetic language means nothing to those who don't care to see and less to those who try, but I think it in some ways is all that I can say. Words wrapped up in ambiguity are perfectly packaged for those who will so easily glance over anything that they wish not to see, and easily construct the visions that they wish were ripe for the taking. I don't know where I stand sometimes when so much is malleable and uncertain, but I know now that my outlook has begun to shift. Have I changed in the last two years from when I started school. I would say so, but I maintain that I am very much the same in many aspects, but then again in so many others so different, but maybe not.... My contradictions line my speech but they are not to deceive but yet a expression of the turmoil and two-sidedness that my mind and heart found themselves constantly. To believe one thing is to forsake another? Or is to believe one thing fully ever possible? There is so much doubt in the word, exacerbated by the patterns of lies we find ourselves so willing to create that hold us so closely apart that if one strand were to break there could be some sort of connection, but with the strands so strong we may never get free. The dawning of a new age is upon us; it has stretched, crawled, and scratched its way up; it has lingered and it has sought to wrought all that it could bring, and we must wait to see what that means. I wait only to see, and I hope only to be better than I never was.