Forget the way

I get an uneasy feeling. I don't quite know how to handle it or what to do. Do you ever feel as if there is something wrong, something missing? and the only thing to fix it is not existent or not possible. I wish that I could just fit into the ....... well maybe not, I don't know. I just wish that things were easier, but I don't know, I really do have it a lot better than I probably feel. I don't know; life is just a stress pot and I wish that I could try to relax, but that is not really how I am. I don't know. I just need to chill some, but each time I get the chance I am brought back into reality later on only to realize that all the chill time has exacerbated the other problems,... I don't know. I guess I need to re-prioritize some things, but too many changes at once can prove disastrous. I guess I need to listen to my heart and not my head and see where that may lead me.

Terse Verse

It goes and comes and circles round
Floundering in the sea of solitude
The rhythm swept skies of tomorrows
Comes shortly after the fall
I see with new found glory
The continuing on of the story
And I bend down to reach out
On the bank of the river here
But as the debris comes flowing in
I catch not a pinch of its passing
I miss not by a lack of trying
but by a sorrowful attempt at it all

~I wonder sometimes about ego
About what it takes to be oneself
And how to forget where you've come from
And how to see where you've been
Tomorrow is a day for their mourning
Today is a day for their scourning
The height of the past is the missed and forgot
The lows always make the best story
I wished for a peach and got a plum
I saw through the fog and got hit by someone
I know that I can't escape where I've been
But I know that I will keep going

Sweet Child of Mine

It is interesting how things go. I don't know. Last night I broke through the depression to see a light at the end. I don't know. I guess to some points I take idealism too far and the immense pressure of it's inability to be sustained in the real world crushes me in its immense gravity and weight. I wish at times that I could stroll back and watch the waves wash by and not be affected by the rising of the tide and all that is around me, but I am, and at the first washed away sand castle I come overwhelmed with a desire to save the poor imaginary souls that once called it home and their refuge. This poetic language means nothing to those who don't care to see and less to those who try, but I think it in some ways is all that I can say. Words wrapped up in ambiguity are perfectly packaged for those who will so easily glance over anything that they wish not to see, and easily construct the visions that they wish were ripe for the taking. I don't know where I stand sometimes when so much is malleable and uncertain, but I know now that my outlook has begun to shift. Have I changed in the last two years from when I started school. I would say so, but I maintain that I am very much the same in many aspects, but then again in so many others so different, but maybe not.... My contradictions line my speech but they are not to deceive but yet a expression of the turmoil and two-sidedness that my mind and heart found themselves constantly. To believe one thing is to forsake another? Or is to believe one thing fully ever possible? There is so much doubt in the word, exacerbated by the patterns of lies we find ourselves so willing to create that hold us so closely apart that if one strand were to break there could be some sort of connection, but with the strands so strong we may never get free. The dawning of a new age is upon us; it has stretched, crawled, and scratched its way up; it has lingered and it has sought to wrought all that it could bring, and we must wait to see what that means. I wait only to see, and I hope only to be better than I never was.